/ Friday, September 04, 2009
Finally updated (:
These few days have been quite busy cuz of exams coming up this week. my class advisor told me i only managed to get a high B for the past few months since i started school. He says if i want to get a A, i must work hard if not my grades will drop again. and i dont want to disppoint my parents so i must score a A for them! jocelyn jiayou!
Anyway, have not been contacting my friends recently. one of the reason is cuz of exams, another reason is because i put on alot weight, so dont dare to face them. its like seriously, ALOT of ppl say i look fatter. =( i'm so upset. i wanted to control myself but i just couldnt. Thursday i had a appoinment with my dietician. i got weighed and it increased so much! i got a shocked! she even asked me how come i gained so much without drinking the milk they gave me. i said i binged alot. i binged on all the fattening food! she said i must be too stressed that's why i binged. after seeing her, i made my payment and i rushed out of SGH. i cried straight after i ran out. i felt so lost. dont know what to do. weight went up may be a good thing to other ppl cuz this means that i'm recovering. but to me, this is too much. i cant accept it. alot of ppl told me that this is a good thing. ya, i know. but, i'm a girl right? which girl likes their weight to go up every week? now ppl are trying to slim down, me? have to gain weight if not i will get admitted again. sometimes i feel that my life is all abt eating and gaining weight. i hate it! i want to maintain my weight like other ppl do, but i cant!! i have to gain! i'm facing this problems for a few days already and there's totally nobody i can talk to. even i talk to someone, they wouldnt know how am i feeling unless that person is facing the same problem as me. seriously, i miss poh choo. only she tries her best to help me. she will come down tampines all the way from clementi just to see that i'm fine. but now i didnt dare to face her cuz i really put on alot of weight. i scared i see her already, one week later, you will see a different me. or worse, see me in hospital again. i'm suffering now! i really want to die!! living in this world is meaningless for me!
