/ Monday, July 06, 2009
Hi there, time for me to update.
Today had not been a good day for me as usual. being triggered by the other girls. some of you might think, why the hell is jocelyn everytime says that she's being triggered? well.. i can answer your question here. that is becuase i'm not stable enough to face the other ppl who are skinnier than me. yup, i did try but it doesnt help, in fact, it make it worse. it is not able being fat or thin. its abt controlling. if i felt that i'm thinner than the other girls, i felt a sense of accomplishment. aiyah, i also dont know how to explain. anyway, i might be stopping school cuz i felt that i'm not happy in school at all. my classmates dont like me and doesnt really talk to me. some of you might think i'm sentiive, but its the fact. i'm not likeable in class. maybe cuz i'm sick, i know. but stopping school is my last resort. i dont want to stop school too cuz i'v taken my exams and i've made A FEW friends there. but it seems to me that i'm the extra over there. my life just is just black an white. i dont see any colour. if possible, i would want to sleep and never wake up. who dont want to see rainbows? but can i do it? i dont know. i dont know whether i can hang on that long to see that rainbow. i longed for that day to get that old hyper jocelyn back, but i've failed again and again....................
