/ Thursday, May 28, 2009
Seriously, i'm tired. I just found that i'm not as strong as i think i am. I regret not listening to my close friends, family and doctors advice. i shouldnt start school this year. i thought that going back school means a new beginning for me, but i never expect that things would happen within one month. my most feared thing has come. friendship problem. yea, i may have changed but who forced me to change? its all the stress and problems i'm facing that make me changed! i didnt say anything but just keep everything to myself thinking that i can solve it one by one, but i didnt know that this would change me. i was not like this the past few weeks. even my parents say that i've changed to another person completely. but what can i do? can control? no. who understands all the pain i'm going through? family? friends? no one. when i needed someone badly, no one was there for me. today, i run across the road hoping that a car would just run me over so that this could end all my misery.. but dont know why, the car just suddenly stop infront of me and ask me to be careful. next, i looked for sleeping pills to make me sleep and dont wake up, but the person say cant sell it to me unless i got prescription. i was super super down today but yet have to act happy infront of others. my life is really meaningless for me now. i dont know what thing can motivate me to live on. really. i have nth now. some of the ppl may thing i'm sentitive or what, but after so many things happened, i dont feel sercure in everything. its like, i feel so insercure. from primary school till now, not even one year i can find someone in class to have a heart to heart talk. i dont even know what's the feeling like to have someone you trust to really share personal problems. i'm tired.
Thanks hilda for the advice. i will reconsider it again and see if i'm really suitable to go back school.
