/ Wednesday, March 04, 2009
I'm so so so down these few days! alot of things happened in such a short 2 months!
when i got out of hospital, the first thing i wanted to do was get back my old self which i havent did it for the past one year. for the year 2008, i'm lost and isolated in my own lala land. when i'm discharged on the year 2009, i told myself that i want to be the old jocelyn back. finally, i did. i meet hilda, audrey, alex, and my sister out for shopping. i really missed the time which i havent do for the one year. i thought all the nightmares in 2008 was over, but now i know, its just the beginning. more nightmares are coming. Last few weeks, i seems to have lost a best friend. i dont know what happened in between, but seems like nth i do can save back this friendship. it really hurts me. but i guess i am wrong too. to help ppl which i dont really know and end up i got troubles. so, from today, i will not be so nice to go and help those ppl which i dont really know. why problems come when i want to start all over again? i know there's problems everywhere but i didnt expect mine to come so quickly. yes, i admit, 2008 when i was in and out of hospital, there was no problems. no friendship problems, no family problem. everything so peaceful. except for my own problems.. i thought everything's going to be fine after i get out of this hospital. but i was too naive. it was all nightmares! i'm so scared. i dont know what i should do next. i dont dare to move a step forward. i'm scared things will go wrong again. Jocelyn!! where are you! this is not you! i need someone help me find back the old jocelyn! haix.. but never mind. i guess the old jocelyn has already died. =(
