/ Friday, August 08, 2008
ok.. I just realised that all things are only my thinking.. Ever since i stopped going church for a few months, they've stopped treating me as a part of their family. i always hold on the hope that one day i can sore for God again in HOGC. but looks like all these are not going to happen. its not that i dont want to go church. i'm not well enough to go back. the doctor told me that anytime i may get admitted again. when i heard this news, i felt so sad, so lost. i wanted to msg somebody to let out my emotions, but found out that actually nobody can let me msg. Said they're always there for me, but actually they're just saying. when i desprately looking for somebody, no one's there. ytd something happened. my mum wanted to kill herself. my whole family was struggling to cool her down. And went she came down from the chair, i wanted to climb up and jump down and just end my life. i really hate my life. every hour, every min, every sec i'm struggling with my illness, family matters. i'm not even well and yet have to stuggle with so many things. now my dad suspect that he got heart problem.. he keep trembling and heart beat very fast. and despite all these, he still have to go work. if not got no money. speaking of money, actually my dad salary's is the highest. now the other staffs not happy with the arrangement. now the boss cutting off his salary. and we're facing financial problem.. i really wonder who can i turn to?
