/ Thursday, October 11, 2007
Finally i'm back. =)
School starting soon le.. although i feel happy that i can see my classmates, but just somehow inside my heart, something is just not there.. everytime when school starting, i will feel relax and happy to go. but this time, like someone told me: Have you ever wondered people are just using you? On the outside, they may treat you super nice, but on the inside, they only treat you as someone they can use when they need help? i really dont know. These few days, i'm alone in my dad shop the whole day. i walked here and there and i have thought alot of things. ok. the fact is there's no customer so i can walk here and there. :) alot of things has happened to me and my family. even friendship problem started to come. Everytime i got to face my parents and my uncle feeling down and i cant even do anything. And i'm infront of them when they look super depressed. then what i do? sit down there and shed my tears quietly. Go home, see my mum sick until she cannot really walk. can walk, but very pain for her. my sisters? no need say le. dont know whether she's my mum real daughter ornot. can sit down there doing nth than helping my mum do housework. ask her do, wait la wait la. wait until when?! until they're gone or when they land in hospital? go think la! you think i what? go help the whole day le, then come home do housework. i will also feel tired de ok?
ok.. sorry.. yea.. i realized, i've been lying to myself all these while. thought i was the happiest person. got friends with me when i'm down, got a family that take care of me, and a bunch of close friends *whr nt alot of people have it. but now i realized that, everything is only my imaginary. though they're there when i'm sad, but that's when i told them i want meet them. but in their heart, they got place me as their friends ma? i treasure every of my friends alot. but will they treasure me like i treasure them? All i want is just some concern and care. but what my close friends do was busy doing their stuffs or go care their own friends. ok. not i want them to be with me 24 hrs. but just one sms or a call from them asking: jocelyn, how's everything going? need my help?
Never mind.. i should just accept the reality that i'm nth to my friends. sorry hilda, audrey and the rest.
i dont know what to write le.. alot of things. this is just part of my sadness. there's more to it. Not only friendship.. sorry if i spoil your mood. take care all! =)
