/ Monday, September 03, 2007
Hello! i'm back.. after a few weeks of stressness, i felt better.. although is better than the last few weeks, but still have stress in my heart.. i cant figure out what is that feeling, but its just a mixed feeling.. sad, anger, happy, scared. Ytd i just got a scary dream.. i dreamt that, someone who's figure is very blur, asked me to cherish everything i have now before its too late.. And after the sentence the person said, I heard a gun bang very loudly and i woke up immediately. The dreamt seems so real. its super real. Even if i woke up, the feeling and the image its still inside my mind. I kept thinking what my mind have been thinking the past few days. and i realised i kept having the thoughts of killing myself and leave all my love ones behind. after that when hilda darling talked to me, i realised killing myself is not the way to solve problems.. so another thought came by. Leave my friends alone when they got problem so i wont get affected. Slowly, i find myself changed. my parents said i threw my temper easily, my sister said i get jealous easily. I dont even know what am i doing. plus, that week i kena scolded the whole week. not just scolding. its serious scolding. they can scold until i stand there and shed my tears. at that point, i find that nobody know my strengths. only my weakness. until i cannot take it, i go find hilda. and we both went to play swing. after that, i felt better. i then slowly know that, avoiding cant solve anything. but i dont have the courage to fight against the problems. slowly, i dont cherish the things i'm having now. but i still dont understand the dream i had ytd.. never mind.. Now i am making full use of my time mixing with my beloved classmates. a few more months we're going to be seperated. 10 years of education, this bunch of classmates is my best classmates i can ever get. they know when i'm down or happy. they're always there for me. i really cant lose them. i'm scared that once we're seperated, we'll lose contact. i will always remember how you guys make me happy when i'm down.. of course not forgetting hilda and audrey who's supporting me throughout this moment of painess i'm having. i just want to let you know that everyone of you is important to me.
I LOVE YOU GUYS! =)
